Hannibal Lecter Would’ve Been Pleased

It started like every other calamity does
Human negligence
No, this was not a screwup at a secret scientific lab
Nor was it a chemical weapon
developed by aliens

Some high-flying socialite sunbathed on a beach in Koh Samui too long
And her skin turned a rare pink
Some starved dogs mistaking her for a snack
Pounced and tore her to shreds

The cops were called to the scene
and managed to execute the woman-eating hounds
but one escaped

It hid under a tarp, in a boat until nightfall
And unwisely, illegally crossed the border
into Cambodia

It wasn’t long before it landed on the wrong side
of the food chain
and was served to a group of drunken men
with a side of “Bok Trop Pgnon”
That’s pounded eggplant dip for the monolinguals

The transformation wasn’t instant
but over time
These men began craving human flesh
And the geography and sociology of their circumstance was such that
that was in excess

Southeast Asia succumbed in a matter of weeks
The undead opened street stalls and sold “real” meat
for a buck
Contrary to popular beliefs, zombies are frugal

Some regions in places like India
with their aversion to flesh
managed to hold off the wave of terror
for a while
Consuming greens and legumes
but their reserves soon ran out
and the zombies feasted

The surprise came a few months into the bloodbath
You see, animals had turned
They no longer had to deal with weapons
so humans became fast-food
The irony was priceless

Sun burn woman
Become food for pack of dogs
That eventually got served on a plate
And like the last supper
It came as no surprise
When vegans realized the truth
Everyone’s game